Help!
How apropos that I'm asking for advice a day after giving it. Let's hope you have more insight than I do/did/once pretended.
Miss Dub is addicted to TV. I'm talking hard-core, steal-your momma's-remote, got-the-shakes-when-it's-been-more-than-an-hour-without-Dora, addiction. And I don't know what to do. Watching her watch it makes me feel dumber. I feel like her Harvard scholarship is draining out her eyes. (Or maybe the Fashion Institute. She does have an eye for non-matching coordination.)
I didn't plan to be the mom who lets her baby watch TV, but she took to the small screen like a moth to a flame. At six months, she would giggle along with the Teletubbies, which I only put on so I could make dinner - because at six months, she was all up in my stove top.
Then, we had a rough winter, a rough pregnancy, a rough recovery, a rough day, a rough bout of throat cream, a rough hangnail ... hmmm, I might be rationalizing, but aren't parents supposed to blame their children for their failings? If not, what will Miss Dub get therapy for?
I try to be tough. I've made little paper cut-outs to represent how many shows a day she can watch - sadly, three would be a huge improvement for us - and told her she'll gain or lose them depending on her behavior. That might last a day, as long as we have good weather, a full schedule and lots to do outside the house. But if we are stuck inside the house, fuggetaboutit. After playing dolls, doing a craft, helping me clean, reading books, making another craft, singing, jumping, hiding and seeking, coloring and tickling, she's begging for another show. And I'm begging her to give me some time to do important things, like shower.
I love my Missy, but she craves CONSTANT attention, either via the TV or playing with me. And while I want to enjoy the journey, yadda, yadda, I think I'm a tour guide at this point. I really think most moms don't or can't spend as much one-on-one time with their children as I do with mine. We hang out with friends almost daily, go to museums, spend time outside, play with her dolls (over and over and over), etc. And yet there are still five hours a day that I have no idea what to do with her, except play with those dang dolls.
She has brilliant moments where she gets lost in solitary play, but I can't seem to decipher the magic formula. (Ignoring her? Leaving toys in random places? Hiding in the closet?)
To her credit, she has an insane imagination, is extremely bright and is wonderfully indepedent. She loves educational programming and still can't sit through a movie. But she could watch TV all day long - and, believe me, she asks. ("Watchashow?") At the park. At the store. At home.
Wow, who knew this post would be so long? Maybe I need therapy.
In any event, I'm looking for the following answers:
* How can I limit TV effectively?
* What is an appropriate amount of TV time for a two-year-old in YOUR opinion, not according to some national non-profit association who doesn't know how lazy I can be around 4 p.m.?
* What can I do with her instead of watching TV?
* How much time do you spend on the ground playing with your child? (I probably average 4+ hours a day, and I have to admit 2+ of it is insanely boring.)
* Does this just mean she's going to be a successful television producer? Because I'm, like, totally cool if that's the case.
12 November 2008
Intervention at my house
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Subscribe!
Posts
Comments
missusdubATgmailDOTcom
.gif)
Share my love!
Dubbies
54 comments:
A very good question! I rarely let my children watch TV, mostly because the whining gets exponentially louder and there's lots more crying after the TV goes off. So we try to avoid it altogether.
On that note, in terms of what to do, I think it really is important that you help her to start playing by herself. Easier said than done, I know, but try putting her in her room for five minutes and telling her that she needs to play by herself until the timer goes off. Hopefully you can gradually increase the time--my three-year-old will now play by herself in her room for two hours while her little sister naps and I work through my to-do list.
I'd suggest making her personal quiet time part of your regular schedule. I've found it works best to give my children alone time after I've spent a lot of focus time on them--they feel like they've gotten a good chunk of my attention and they don't really mind if I slip out to do something else.
And aside from that, the best advice I have to give is to create a new schedule that doesn't have room for TV-watching, and try to remove the opportunities for said TV. Get ready before she's up, try to incorporate her into making dinners with you, etc. (I'm always amazed at how long my toddlers are entertained by standing on a chair at the counter banging a spoon around an empty bowl.) And honestly, I think it may be easiest to go cold-turkey rather than cutting back to one or two or three shows a day--if you just remove the entire option, it may be easier for her to do without. Then again, she may be so devastated that things really crash down--if it's possible, I'd try something like this after a vacation or a break from her normal routine where shows aren't really an option (like a holiday visit or something).
And remember that you're not the only one who's crazy at the end of the day after a million songs and stories and pretend games. :-)
In response to your other questions, at our house my kids watch about 60 minutes of TV every three weeks or so (one movie night as a family). This is probably a little abnormal (my parents didn't get a TV until I was in college, because they wanted us to focus on reading and playing), but that's what we do. In terms of things to do instead of watching TV--walks, playing at the playground, swapping children with a friend (note: NOT a playdate where you're staying there; as nice as it is to talk to other moms, it's even nicer to have some time to yourself), etc. You've probably got a pretty good set of ideas here--but one thing both my kids love is going to the library for storytime. We have three libraries here, so when we're really running low on ideas--we hit LOTS of storytimes.
I don't spend very much time on the floor playing with my kids. It drives me crazy, to be honest, and they're much more interested in playing with each other. We do read stories together every single day, and most of the day we're doing other things--cooking together, dancing to music, playground, etc., so I don't feel very bad about having them play without me. And their playtime is when I get things like washing dishes done. I probably spend about an hour a week actually "playing" with them; as I said, our interaction tends to revolve more around activities than playing with their toys. I do try to do some modeling for them, and I played a lot more when they were younger or before the youngest was born, but now that my oldest daughter is almost four, they do just fine without me making up the story behind the game.
And this is probably the longest comment ever. Sorry!
On the plus side, a new study came out that says you dream in the color of tv you watched as a child. So our parents have black and white dream, and Miss Dub will have multi-colored dreams. Way cool, huh?
I watched tv every day as a child, as well. But, I also spent time on a schedule. A crazy schedule because our sitter always had at least 10 children. It might take some SERIOUS work up front. But, if you could get to the point where you turn off the tv and say "craft time," and the little miss automatically heads to her box of markers (or if you are sane, not markers something else), it might be worth it.
With that said, I think you are super mom (and so does your daughter). The more educational videos you can rent from the library the better, but I wouldn't stress too much.
Maybe it's time for a computer? I mean, she is TWO!
i hope this doesn't come off condescending. turn off the tv. deal with the tantrums... by ignoring them.
i think if you completely turn off the tv for the next week, it'll break her of it. and then you can reintroduce say... one half hour program/day.
* What can I do with her instead of watching TV?
Teach her to play independently? She doesn't NEED you in order to play. And kids don't really learn to play by themselves unless you make them.
How much time do you spend on the ground playing with your child? (I probably average 4+ hours a day, and I have to admit 2+ of it is insanely boring.)
Maybe 1/2 hour. Of course, I have 4 kids and they largely play with each other. But when I only had one, I could play with her only in limited doses... maybe 15 minutes at a time. You're right, it's insanely boring.
Ok- So I"m not going to be much in the help area. However, I can offer some moral support. My daughter (4) is the same. TV is an amazing invention it brings us closer to things we would never be able to experience otherwise. That said, we've got the same issue and I too never thought it would be me.
In fact, right now, as I enjoy mostly undisturbed reading, typing and coffee she is totally enjoying ...wait for it... her second hour of TV this morning. She wakes up way early, and we have baby brother (8mths) that is usually up most the night. I'm not a morning person, it just can't happen for me and believe me I have tried. So yeah, the day we figured out she could open the fridge, get her cup of rice milk by herself,and turn on the TV (without waking us up first)was cause for celebration.
Anyway before anyone goes calling CPS on us rest assured (giggled while typing that word) once I'm awake and functioning we kick into high gear craft-style, reading, general pretend playing and so on. I too have play dates scheduled, walks, trips to city (Chi-town of course), and NPR brain washing packed into everyday. Yeah I was worried too, but this year when she started preschool I was totally assured that she hasn't lost any brain cells. I won't go into details of her genius, but believe me I could.
So now here are a few COOL TRICKS (thinking Yo Gabba Gabba right now...) that I use.
1- I DVR her favorite shows and before I turn one on I put the TV on a Grown-up channel (ie News, Weather, or XM Radio Jazz, classical etc) and start her show. If you leave our DVR alone when the show ends it automatically goes back to the channel that was on. This works well if I'm doing something out of the room. Usually she's had her fix and then moves on the act out what she has just seen. If I'm there and she starts to complain I have a variety of responses ranging from "I don't know what happened, maybe there aren't anymore kid shows on right now" to "I said one show...now find something else."
B- I noticed that she likes to play and listen so I got a bunch of popular kid stories on CD and sometimes that is just the fix she needs and it stimulates her creativity. (Hint: get a variety listening to a 15 min version of Cinderella on repeat for over an hour can be worse than Dora, well almost)
3- Two words: Food Network. Especially when I'm cooking, I turn on a little ...gasp...Rachel Ray and get out her pretend food along with a few "real" cooking items. She loves it and usually starts to act out what she is watching. Bobby Flay is also very popular- she totally "has a crush at him".
I hope that helps. Sorry for that long post. It was so intoxicating thinking that I may be the first to comment.
Good Luck! And BTW You are a good mom, don't beat yourself up. And read this article (http://www.slate.com/id/2204113/?from=rss) if you need a little pick me up. It re-assured me (hehehehe) Okay now I know I need more coffee. I can't believe I'm about to publish this...
I'm going to keep this short because it looks like you already have a lot to read. First, cold turkey...the only way to go. Some kids can't do a little of anything and it sounds like that is your issue. It will be more painful for you than for her. But you will be amazed how much she will be able to entertain herself after a couple days of withdrawl. I find the more TV my kids watch at a young age, the less they play by themselves.
Chart it out! Miss Dub loves learning so make a chart with her that she can understand. I have lots of experiance in this area. Call me for Im far too lazy today to write it out.
I'm not going to be any help here, but I just wanted to say that the post/comments make me feel a lot better. My little girl is only 6 months, but playing with her sometimes (ok, most of the time) bores me to death. I have felt pretty awful for this, but now know this is normal. Thank you.
And Courtney, I love your suggestions.
I'm feeling your pain. Thanks for your honesty in your post as I'm sure you echo the majority of mom's voices. My 4 year old also require constant interaction if the tv isn't on. I've tried the SuperNanny's idea to schedule out every minute of the day so he can see exactly when tv time is allowed. That seems to work but man do you have to have insane energy and follow thru! I'm looking forward to your audiences comments! Thanks.
she will be a brilliant tv producer. come on, look what family she comes from. i say, turn the tube on, get her a turkey pot pie, and let her enjoy.
We've given up on TV too. We don't have cable or basic cable or even an antenna. We just get movies or a collection of shows from the library. Most of the time it's a good selection. Plus my 2 kids get to see other things besides Elmo, Dora, and the regulars. When my kids watch, they watch about 1 1/2 hours for that day. We might pop in a library DVD every other day or every 2 days if we are busy.
Having kids is so much easier when you have more of them around-so invite some other kids over. They can be her age, or I like a little bit older up to a year. It seems like everybody can play together without much intervention for a whole morning or afternoon(depending on naps times).
So, you've been bombarded with lots of good advice already, but I think it comes down to what do YOU feel comfortable doing? Cutting all TV off cold turkey is certainly an option, if that's best for you, try it. For me, I craved (and still do) some down time from all the playing (we have one daughter) so a show here or there was a lifesaver to keep me from banging my head against the wall and drooling. And it still is.
I'm a firm believer that it all balances out eventually. Good luck!
So I don't know how to break a TV habit or solve the excess amounts of one on one time but I would like to offer you a glimmer of hope.
My fella who also had these two problems is now 10. He L-O-V-E loves to read more than anything now. He gets up at 6 am on his own to read. He will watch TV for a minute and then quit to, oh yes that's right, read.
He exhausted me when he was 0-4 because he wanted gobs and gobs of me, me, me! I just didn't have enough of me to go around and sometimes I needed a shower or just plain old alone time so the TV was my friend for him. And who says Sesame Street, Dora, Little Einsteins etc are all bad? And if they do they've probably never been stuck in their PJs until 4:37 in the afternoon. So my only advice is this:
1- Don't be too hard on yourself.
2- You probably already do this but STOCK your house with good books and read as much as she will let you in the cling-to-you-every-second part of the day without the TV on. It pays big dividends later. Oh - and go to story time at the library. Sometimes they have music and art time too which are fabulous.
Good luck, I've been there.
Like Rachael, I've found that my son is much more disagreeable after watching TV and does better if we just avoid it altogether. We keep it unplugged, so if he goes to turn it on I just say, "Sorry, it's not working." I will occasionally let him watch a Thomas DVD during that crazy time of day you mentioned, but I usually regret it because he doesn't get the whole "now it is time to turn it off" concept. He just throws a good 2-year-old tantrum and I ignore him.
Luckily, he has always been really good at playing independently. I don't spend a ton of time on the floor playing with him because he prefers to rock his trains and trucks alone. But I do spend around an hour a day reading to him, doing puzzles, putting blocks together, etc.
I try to schedule play dates or outings for the times of day when I know I am most prone to want to turn the TV on. If I feel myself giving it to the "show, show, show" pleading, I'll take him on a car ride, pick up something at the grocery store, go for a walk, etc.
It seems like the more TV I let him watch, the more he wants to watch and the easier it is for me to let him. So maybe cold turkey is the way to go? Good luck, this is a hard one.
I spent tons of time in front of the t.v and turned out creative. Try more educational stuff like pbs types. Try also having her play indenpendantly by setting a timer and when the timer goes off she can come a watch a show. Try to get sometype of routine/sched. that way she is get an idea when it is tv time!! I think if she has a balance between play, friend time, and t.v. she will be great!
I love all the advice on here.
My daughter is 15 months and we hardly ever have the tv on. However, it seems lately I've found reasons to doubt my decision not to have it in our home. Reading the comments has helped reassure me to keep going. (I'm not against occasional movies though.)
When I was growing up I had a friend who never had tv in his home. His parents, however, provided many varieties of fun toys to play with. Because of that I never wanted to watch tv when I played at his house (I grew up always watching it). So I think that is important, providing toys that really spark the imagination. There are a lot of toy stores out there that have good quality educational toys. The money that would go towards paying for cable goes to those instead. (That's how I justify it!)
Sorry, I'm not answering your questions very well. But one last thing, I have found it really helps to get up and ready (some days are better) before my baby gets up.
Hope that helps. Great post!
Oh, I failed to mention that my other fella was nothing like Ryan. I don't think it's all parenting because I am the same mama. And even though Ryan loves reading he still likes a mommy fix just in much more appropriate amounts of time.
Sorry, me again. I just wanted to add some more concrete suggestions of what I distract my son with when he really wants to watch TV and seems to be bored with his regular toys: offer Play Doh, play and piano/sing with him, pull out a puzzle or board game for him to destroy, call his dad or call grandma, etc., put on music and dance, chase him with the vacuum, let him chat with one of my sisters on iChat, look through photo albums with him and point out people he knows, pull him around in an old diaper box, offer a treat or snack.
My kids were more like my little buddies. Instead of playing all the time, they helped me to make beds, pick up toys, etc. TV time was a treat, usually after all our errands were completed and after nap. Try watching calming shows like Little Bear. BTW, I rarely entertain my kids. It's ok to do when kids are younger, but as they grow they only get more demanding when it comes to your time. Kids who need to be entertained constantly tend to struggle when they get in school and realize that the world doesn't revolve around them and their needs.
Anyway, keep it up. You'll figure things out and then one day be a know-it-all on someone else's blog!
So this is a little off topic. But my little bean was always very time-demanding, didn't like to be left to play without me and would whine and fuss and tug on my pants legs and so on ALL day if i left him alone for as much as ten minutes.
I thought, this is just what my child does. This is who he is. Nuts. But i can live with it, right? Even if by the end of the day i'm a crazypants?
Then Bean started having sleeping issues after we moved across the country for school a few months ago. So we went in search of a book on what to do to fix his sleep problems (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was the book we settled on), and started working on his sleep schedule and making sure he got enough (p.s. my child is the most wakeful little person i've ever seen, hands down, so getting him to sleep properly has always been a struggle).
Well, we realized we hadn't been putting him to bed early enough or consistently enough, and he wasn't sleeping enough hours in the day. So we've spent many many weeks working on changing his sleeping habits, and now not only is putting him to bed a breeze--disclosure: the book's advice, though very eye-opening, did not actually contain the technique we ultimately settled on--but now he plays by himself for much longer, and much more happily, than he has ever done before. This has been sanity-saving.
I honestly never would have connected his difficulty with attention span/being entertained with his sleep habits, but "fixing" his sleep has made a huge difference. So i don't know how Miss Dub sleeps for you, but it might be something to look into. Good luck!
Oh, also: cuddling has also made a big difference for us. If i spend time cuddling/playing quietly with/holding my son (who is about 20 months, btw) for a little while in the mornings before putting him down to entertain himself sans Mommy or TV, he is more content in his playing, and is able to do it for longer. I think this has been especially helpful for him because the attachment parenting style is not my default style. I spend most of my time distracted by housework or the internet or a book, and if i don't make a point of giving him that physical comfort, he often doesn't get it, and i'm learning that little guys really need it. So, that may or may not help you, but at least you have another random-but-connected tidbit to consider.
Take a deep breath.
Calm down.
And.
Don't.
Worry.
Watching TV is not the WORST thing ever. Especially now with all the amazing baby programs on TV. I suggest keeping limits...but you don't have to guilt your self to death on this.
Also. You should totally tell Santa to buy you an interactive consel game thingy thay have for babes now. Like playstation for toddlers. I think V-Tech makes one. That way it is "TV" only she is not passively watching.
You are a great mom. She is going to turn out great. I had a TV addict too. he is 10 now and makes his own movies, has his own blog and finds the 'fails' in commercials. He also does stand up and can do killer impersonations. TV started all this I am certain. So who knows...maybe she will be the next big thing!
When my oldest son was 2, it was the loooongest year of my life. He watched a TON of TV, because otherwise, he wanted me to sit and play with him every second of every day. All of that changed, though, as soon as I had my second child. They play together so well and rarely look to me as a source of entertainment at all. So, I'm not saying to hurry and have another baby, but rather, to invite other kids over to play, or... just wait it out. Mostly, I just think 2 is a hard age, especially when you only have one child.
On another note, it drives me crazy that moms think they have to be camp directors for their kids. That's fine and great that all these moms have these great activities planned for every single second of the day, but really, I think the most well-adjusted children are the ones who are able to come up with things to do by themselves. Who are able to use their imaginations to create things. By themselves.
oh man that's hard. i personally think you should limit tv for your toddler to 1 hour a day. there was a point about a year ago where i had to teach my boys that we weren't going to watch tv as much and it was hard because they were 3 and 2 and didn't really understand. it was a rough few weeks full of whining and such things, but they got the idea eventually and started finding other ways to occupy their time. now they are allowed to watch one movie or show a day after they finish their breakfast.
i have to admit, though, my situation is quite a bit easier than yours. i have two boys close together in age who are both pretty independent and love to play with each other... i don't have to work all day to keep them occupied.
in reality, though, sometimes you just got to throw the rules out the window in order to just survive the day. i think you should just pick an amount of time for tv a day that you can live with and just stick with it. and miss dub will eventually learn. but if it doesn't work out every day, don't beat yourself up... miss dub sounds like a totally well-balanced kid that gets lots of physical activity and play time. she's going to be more than fine. :)
I read your blog all the time but never comment. I really liked this post. I was nodding along as I read this. My kids love tv and like you, I have a limited tolerance for playing on the floor--quite frankly, my limit is about 20 minutes. My kids are a little older though and the day is broken up with preschool and other errands. I'm okay with them coming home and "veging" (I know other people get nervous at ths sound of that word!) for about an hour. Sometimes kids need downtime and I don't think tv is the devil. (Especially since my kids are too old to nap.) When I feel like they've had enough I turn the tv off and I pull out the coloring books, etc. Or they just wander around until they find something else to do. I have no answers--I guess I just don't think some tv is that bad. I also don't think we need to entertain our kids all the time.
Wait! I wasn't talking about YOU being a camp director... Re-reading my comment made me think that maybe it sounded like that. I just meant the moms in general that do that. That think that TV is evil and then plan out every second of the day for their kids... (You seemed to have gotten a lot of comments like that, is all.)
I think you need to give yourself a break! Sounds like you are doing a ton of things with you child - way more than most moms - and that's what counts! It's not the amount of time she spends watching tv that matters - it's the fact that she's getting a lot of creative outlets as well. Stop feeling guilty and start celebrating the fact that you do so much with your child! If that's all she ever did, it would be another story, but she's probably do a lot more than other kids who don't watch TV at all. Sounds like you have a great kid and that you're a great mom!
Check out the Signing Time DVDs from your library or even buy them. She'll love them, and she'll learn some cute songs and sign language too! It drastically cuts down on the guilt when you can say "BUT LOOK HOW SMART IT MAKES HER!!!"
All your commenters will think I'm pretty much Lucifer, but my 3 1/2 year old wants to do NOTHING but watch tv. She is a completely different animal than my other children. I try to pry her away with games, books, crafts...nothing works. So I just let her watch tv in the basement most of the day - it's easier for me anyhow. And guess what? She is far more advanced socially and linguistically than was my first child with whom I spent every waking moment reading, singing, and playing. I also find that ALL the toys from the toy room have been dragged out when I thought she was only sitting and watching, so I figure she's getting some imagination time, too.
I would have never thought I would be like this (though, I'm not as bad as it sounds...I DO check on her, feed her, talk to her, and take her with me when I leave the house), but sometimes your parenting style has to relax and evolve. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm doing the best I can NOW. Besides, kids change so often that I'm sure this phase won't last long.
We struggle with this at our place too. We recently went cold turkey. Cold turkey! I have to say, as rough as it was the first two days, it was fine after that. Not only that, but his entire demeanor changed. He was calmer, less prone to fits, and entertained himself more readily.
How much time do I spend playing with him? Like maybe an hour a day, tops. I've got housework to do in the morning, then I'm at work in the afternoon, then cooking and serving dinner. He's a little older now and is OK to play by himself or with his brother.
Realistically? I'd let a 2 year old watch two shows a day. We got into the habit of more than that when I had morning sickness and never stopped. Then I had a new baby and needed to sleep.
Hey, the TV is there as a tool. It's OK to use it sometimes if you have to, just be ready to be hardhearted enough to take it away.
I don't have tv, but my miss has a similar addiction to "shows" in movies that we have. I just tell her no after a movie or two every day.
I think it helps when I take her to "storytime" at the library. Since it sounds like you visit friends every day maybe you could have a story group or something. I feel like the social interaction helps fill her need for entertainment and she's able to play happily by herself more in the afternoons. Then again every child is different. Best of luck.
p.s. I do the same as Courtney: I DVR his shows and leave the channel on something boring. That way when the show is over, they have to go back to watching local news, or Algebra 110 on the adult learning channel. Removing any kind of "Coming up NEXT!" on the kids stations, even Sprout or regular PBS, is helpful in controlling the amount she watches.
And I lied about spending an hour a day playing. I don't, unless you lump reading into playing. Call me old fashioned, but I don't want to play with my child for 4 hours a day because I'm not his friend, I'm his mom.
Interacting, having them clean with you, or help get things together for dinner, or shopping is fine.
He can entertain himself; it fosters his imagination.
Once more: it got way better when we had another baby and that baby was more than 9 months old. Then they played together and it was wondrous to my eyes. They are a little more than 3 years apart, if that helps you gauge things.
I'm no help. Hayden doesn't like TV unless its football. I wish I could get him to sit and watch a little more TV so I could get something done.
I have a 20 month old and am headed down the way to havin' a baby.. I wish my 20 month old WOULD WATCH A SHOW.. but, if I leave the room he is after me. Mostly, he just wants to be in my grill. Oh well. I would say go cold turkey. My routine for my TV addicted 5 year old is, " Go clean your room, and then you can watch tv" He gets in his room, starts playing with toys and comes back upstairs. I say, Is your room clean? His reply is "no" and I send him back down. That works for HOURS!!!! ;)
Wow everyone has an opionion about this! I am in your same exact boat. Some days I get frustrated with the hours of just having it on and unplug the T.V. and my 23 month old has a complete meltdown and then throughout the day she will push the power button. For some reason it reminds me of a lab rat waiting for cheese that never comes. And its sad. And shes grumpy. Sometime when I care more I will be back to read all the suggestions of your readers.
A lot of great comments. My 2-year-old loves educational kids' shows and Disney movies too, and it really is a great break for me sometimes, but I've learned that it's ok to say no to it and that she really does get over it. The interesting theme I keep seeing here is that kids seem to get better at playing independently and are more pleasant to deal with when the TV is taken away, so maybe I should try it. (Right now she wants constant interaction with me, all day long.)
I don't have any new advice to share, but I'm interested to see what you decide to do. Keep us updated!
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed today's post. I have seriously been milling over this issue for weeks now and all of the tips here have given me some serious motivation and inspiration. Seriously, Mrs. Dub...your blog is the best.
Holy Comments Batman!
Yeah, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you...I enjoyed all the comments.
are you still reading....?
My first born was an only child until she was 3... and also one who needed to be entertained constantly. She also climbed out of her crib at 14 mos. busting her lip and gums and that was the end of the crib. I'll leave you to guess how well naps or "don't-interrupt-me-it's-quiet-time" worked after that. Not well.
My advice, don't beat yourself up over it.
The DVR is great b/c my current 3 year old loves Caillou (who makes me crazy at times, but whatever) and I let her watch it about, oh, 3 times a day.
Of course when the TV in our master bedroom got unplugged (the 13incher that we got in the first place for me to watch the SLC winter olympics on while I was sick during my first trimester of pregnancy and my husband was in his first year of med school= bored sick pregnant woman. hows that for runonsentence) My husband couldn't muster up the gusto to plug it back in, and that was the end of that, until the office came back on, then we plugged it back in.
case in point. try unplugging it and that might deter her for a while. cold turkey is really good, ya know.
You're a really good Mom :)
I'm late, I know. I hope your still reading.
I think people worry too much about television. I watched a TON as a kid because I had 10 older siblings who liked certain "shows" and can you also imagine the me time my mom needed? Every day after Kindergarten I would come home, sit in front of the TV, my mom would bring my tray, and i'd eat my lunch. I remember playing a lot too of course but when I went to school I never had a problem sitting still etc.
I think if you let your kid sit there ALL DAY LONG that is one thing. But, it doesn't sound like you are doing that. I mean, seriously... Did you say you play with her FOUR HOURS a day? That is longer than I sit and play with my 2 year old! I'm just not one of those Moms and I agree with what someone else said. Some Moms think they have to be a freaking camp director.
I believe in quality over quantity. My daughter LOVES Maggies and The Ferocious Beast, Dora, Diego, and The Wonder Pets. She learns A LOT from these shoes believe it or not. The other day she pointed to a car and said "Mommy, Yellow car?" And she was right. I wondered how she got that and when she was watching a DVR'd ep of some show they were saying "What color is the car?" It was YELLOW. So is television really that bad?
I do turn it off though. I don't stress but I get sick of her staring at it and/or begging for it. Plus I can tell she's getting wiggly and she doesn't sleep well if she watches it all day.
Here's my schedule (just so you don't feel too bad.) We wake up, eat breakfast at the table. She watches her shows while I take care of her little sister. Then I get showered and/or clean the big stuff I need to. At about 10:00 I turn it off. I open the door to the backyard and tell her she HAS to play outside. She whines somtimes but if I just do laundry and ignore her she'll wander in her room or outside and play. Then we eat lunch around noon and to get her settled down I let her watch a show. Just one. When she wakes up, I let her watch another one because she takes awhile to wake up. I turn it off after that show. She plays and then when it is time to make dinner, she gets to watch it again. That is the last show for the night.
Sometimes we go places, sometimes I color or have activities for her, sometimes she plays with friends or cousins. It's not ALWAYS like that but if I am home all day and need to get stuff done the TV is my friend. It's the only way I get the house clean/dinner cooked/my hair washed...whatever. And she is still smart. According to her pedi, she is ahead in language and motor skills. She is well adjusted and a pleasant child to be around.
So, I wouldn't stress. It seems like you are trying and I think the fact that you are even concerned about it and making an effort speaks volumes about what kind of parent you are. In my opinion, from reading your blog, I think you rock as a Mom!
Could I have had any more typos? Geez, I hope you got the gist. And I made it sound like I don't play with her ever. I do. She loves books too. So, no one call CPS on me...
I enjoyed reading all of those comments! Here are my thoughts to add to the mix...
I know you're talking about maybe moving to a cheaper apartment. I will say that taking a shower got MUCH easier after we moved into the house (because there are two floors rather than just one) and Eli's options were more limited - we have the stairs gated and his only form of entertainment is basically to play with the few toys in his room or read books - he almost always pulls a million books off the shelf and looks at the pictures while I enjoy a LONG shower. So for you - maybe you could bring some books into the bathroom w/ Miss Dub and close the door so that she's in there reading while you shower. Maybe it's a lame suggestion though, I don't know.
Second thing - you should start coming to playgroup on Wednesdays! Today was at the church and it was chaotic, but fun.
Third thing - I really try to keep the tv off when Eli's awake. I read a great book on child development (Bright from the Start) and wrote a quick review of it here: http://severson.blogspot.com/2008/05/great-child-development-book.html - but it really convinced me to keep the tv-watching to a minimum, especially while Eli is a toddler.
But I'm not saying he's never watched tv - and who knows if all of this will change when the next baby arrives in a few months and I have some desperate moments... we'll see!
Uh...I don't know the answers to any of those questions. What I do know, is that it sounds like E takes after her cousin Max. Which means I completely understand and empathize. It's like my momma says, "sometimes you just have to get through the day."
My second had a bit of a HUGE TV obsession around that age, and some of it was circumstantial, and some of it was me just letting it happen. What I did was make mini-goal to myself, and then try to meet them - no shows before lunch, only one show during the late afternoon slump. What I found with him was that if he watched something earlier in the day, he spent a LOT of the rest of the day asking to watch more, more, MORE. BUT, if I kept things going for him earlier in the day, he started to just get carried away with what he was doing, and eventually stopped noticing he wasn't watching. We got down to one movie/WEEK, and I think that's perfect, for us.
My other theory that goes along with this is that sometimes if you give your kids a void, they just learn how to fill it. If, for instance, it was your routine to do a few household jobs in the morning, then I would do one of two things - give her a rag and let her dust or clothes and let her fold (things all my kids have liked at that age), or tell her mommy has to get ________ done before we _________, so she can do something by herself. (For her age, I'd give 3 options, ex. read some books on the couch, play with dollies in your room, or do some puzzles)
That's my long-winded explanation of what I do!
Get rid of the TV!!! We don't have one, don't plan on getting one, and my kids will never by TV junkies.
You're a great Mom. You've got a great kid. She's developmentally advanced but not future-mensa, grad-school-at-12-kookie (no offense to the gifted and overachievers, but I think they make most of us mere mortals uncomfortable and happy to be ordinary). She's happy, verbal, and social. She's the first and currently only child, so she demands and gets more of your time and there are limited opportunities for her to interact with others in the home.
Moderation is important, much that media (of all kinds) offers is mind-numbing at best and evil at worts, but TV is not the devil and no child is going to be intellectually, morally, or socially destroyed from watching too much children's educational TV (even if the quality, per a new study, has apparently gone down the past 20 years).
Lots of great comments on both sides, but, as you would expect (maybe it's my SoCal roots), I lean more towards the free will, less structured side, than the overregulated or toss the TV side. I mean, if you toss the TV how do you watch football games and we all know if sports weren't heavenly ordained "the BYU" wouldn't dump so much money and effort into them (you can save that for another HTT, especially if the DHs of your regular readers are lurking).
I started reading all of these since I am guilty of the very same thing, but there are too many. Forgive me if I am repeating something already said. I have a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. They love TV, sadly. My older child LOVES his learning leapster (so again, staring at the TV). I didn't feel guilty until I read your post. Haha ... that's not totally true - I just put it at the back of my mind.
I do have to tell you this - and this isn't me bragging or just being a parent who thinks that they have a genius for a child. My son is SMART. He is 3, right. He knows his alphabet, can identify the letters when seeing them, can type his name, knows his colors and shapes and has a VERY vivid imagination. He talks in complete, adult type of sentences. Granted, he can't use a fork or a spoon to save his soul, but that's neither here nor there. ;)
My point is - he is way ahead of the game learning wise. And I *gasp* let him watch TV. More than I should. I am just trying to make you feel better ... it hasn't hurt his brain :)
my 2 year old is a tv junkie too. The first words out of his mouth when he wakes up are "TeeBee? Turn it on!" I love the tv. It's the greatest invention ever. He won't play by himself. The tv talks to him, sings to him, dances with him, and plays games with him. Without it we would die. I am sure of it. We spend tons of time out of the house doing all the kinds of things you do. But there are more hours in the day than I can handle interacting with a little person.
I have a 25 month old son, and we haven't introduced TV yet, but I do have a suggestion. My son loves dessert/candy, so we've set up a rule where he can have dessert after dinner everyday (he gets to pick a little treat). Anytime he asks for a sweet, I tell him he is welcome to have dessert after dinner. He hardly ever asks for a treat during the day because he knows he won't get it. I think at their age, "linking" routine things together is very effective (it goes without saying that it is essential to be very, very consistent). So, if you decided she could watch 2 shows per day, you could link them to something else she does consistently (after breakfast - allowing you to shower & after afternoon snack, for example). I hope that helps. Your Miss Dub is an absolute doll.
Relax.
TV is not the devil.
Try some leapfrog dvd's - they are great. Let her watch when you need it.
Some children can play by themselves, some just don't have the talent.
This from a mother of 7.
I love TV.
My two oldest are at BYU with scholarships; all chldren well rounded and they watch TV!
We talk about the TV we watch.
I'm with Courtney and Glamorous. You are a good mom! Remember that bit. We watch TV in our house and none of this cold turkey business would work for us. I balance the guilt by turning it off after 30 minutes in the morning and it doesn't come back on until I am cooking dinner. If I break that rule in the day I try to use educational DVDs as we don't have PBS in the UK. We liked Baby Einstein when they were little and Little Einsteins now. Dinner and evening time it's a free for all because everyone's tired by then. We also run our boys ragged in the day with craft and physical activity as my youngest (4)has so much energy it's scary.
You might like John Rosemond's book: Six Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children. It goes into detail about the TV issue.
Post a Comment